Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
