I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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