the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
