new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
