Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
