so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
