Ketchup is God's man juice
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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