he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
