Got a toothbrush?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
