You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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