the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
