I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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