i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
