I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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