Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
