Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
