thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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