I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
