if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
