You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I've blown a few things in my day
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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