it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
