So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
