I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
