So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize