I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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