Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
