nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
