I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
