Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
