well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
