there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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