Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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