I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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