So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
