About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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