babies were throwing up all over the place
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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