I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
