Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
