she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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