I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
