It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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