Say something about gay babies.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize