we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
