yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
