Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
