Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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