So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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