Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
