My liver just broke up with me...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize