Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
