I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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