My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
