so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
