Well apparently he's into motor boating.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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