Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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