phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
