i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
