I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Boobs are out for the taking
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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