I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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