Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize