Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Send help, water and tortillas.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
