true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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