When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
