Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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