If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
