I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
