I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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