Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
