before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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