oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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