Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
