I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
