dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
