How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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