Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
